I thought putting my husband in a nursing home meant I had failed him. Then I found something in his nightstand that changed what I believed love required.<\/p>\n
The first sentence said:<\/p>\n
“Linda, if you’re reading this, you waited too long.”<\/p>\n
I sat down on the floor.<\/p>\n
For a second, I thought maybe I had misunderstood.<\/p>\n
Then I read it again.<\/p>\n
“You waited too long.”<\/p>\n
Not, “I’m sorry.”<\/p>\n
Not, “Please don’t send me away.”<\/p>\n
Not, “You promised.”<\/p>\n
“You waited too long.”<\/p>\n
My hands started shaking.<\/p>\n
The letter continued.<\/p>\n
“If you are opening this because taking care of me has become more than you can carry, then you should have asked for help before now.”<\/p>\n
I covered my mouth.<\/p>\n
David had always written in blocky, slightly crooked handwriting.<\/p>\n
Even when he filled out birthday cards, his letters leaned uphill like they were trying to escape the page.<\/p>\n
I knew every line was his.<\/p>\n
I kept reading.<\/p>\n
“I know you, Lin.”<\/p>\n
“You will call exhaustion loyalty.”<\/p>\n
“You will call pain commitment.”<\/p>\n
“You will say ‘I’m fine’ until you stop remembering what fine feels like.”<\/p>\n
“Please don’t do that for me.”<\/p>\n
I started crying.<\/p>\n
Quietly at first.<\/p>\n
Then hard.<\/p>\n
David was asleep ten feet away.<\/p>\n
I pressed the letter against my chest and tried to breathe.<\/p>\n
He had written this before he got sick.<\/p>\n
Before the falls.<\/p>\n
Before the feeding schedule.<\/p>\n
Before I learned how to lift him without hurting his shoulder.<\/p>\n
Before our bathroom became a room full of grab bars and pill bottles.<\/p>\n
Before I started resenting the sound of him calling my name and then hating myself for resenting it.<\/p>\n
There were three pages.<\/p>\n
I unfolded the second.<\/p>\n
“I need you to understand something.”<\/p>\n
“Taking care of me does not have to mean doing everything yourself.”<\/p>\n
“If I reach a point where I need more than you can give, then get me more.”<\/p>\n
“A nurse.”<\/p>\n
“A facility.”<\/p>\n
“A stranger with strong arms and a degree.”<\/p>\n
“I don’t care.”<\/p>\n
“Just don’t destroy yourself trying to prove you love me.”<\/p>\n
I laughed through tears.<\/p>\n
“A stranger with strong arms and a degree.”<\/p>\n
That was David.<\/p>\n
Practical even in a letter about his own decline.<\/p>\n
I heard movement from the bed.<\/p>\n
I froze.<\/p>\n
“Linda?”<\/p>\n
His voice was weak.<\/p>\n
I wiped my face quickly and stood.<\/p>\n
“I’m here.”<\/p>\n
“What are you doing?”<\/p>\n
“Looking for your watch.”<\/p>\n
He blinked.<\/p>\n
“Nightstand.”<\/p>\n
“I know.”<\/p>\n
Then his eyes moved to the letter in my hand.<\/p>\n
His expression changed.<\/p>\n
Not surprise.<\/p>\n
Recognition.<\/p>\n
“You found it.”<\/p>\n
I stared at him.<\/p>\n
“You knew it was there?”<\/p>\n
He looked almost offended.<\/p>\n
“Of course.”<\/p>\n
“How long?”<\/p>\n
He thought about it.<\/p>\n
“Seven years.”<\/p>\n
I sat on the edge of the bed.<\/p>\n
“Seven years?”<\/p>\n
“After Frank.”<\/p>\n
I knew immediately who he meant.<\/p>\n
His older brother.<\/p>\n
Frank had died after a long battle with Parkinson’s.<\/p>\n
His wife, Joan, cared for him at home almost until the end.<\/p>\n
By the time Frank finally entered hospice, Joan was barely functioning.<\/p>\n
She developed pneumonia.<\/p>\n
Lost nearly 30 pounds.<\/p>\n
Collapsed at the hospital the day after Frank died.<\/p>\n
David had been furious.<\/p>\n
Not at her.<\/p>\n
At all of us.<\/p>\n
We had praised her for “doing everything.”<\/p>\n
As if nearly killing herself was proof of love.<\/p>\n
“You wrote this after Frank?”<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
“Joan.”<\/p>\n
His voice was softer.<\/p>\n
“I watched everyone tell her she was amazing while she disappeared.”<\/p>\n
My throat tightened.<\/p>\n
“I didn’t disappear.”<\/p>\n
David gave me a look.<\/p>\n
Even sick, he still had that look.<\/p>\n
“Linda.”<\/p>\n
“I’m right here.”<\/p>\n
“Physically.”<\/p>\n
I looked away.<\/p>\n
He continued.<\/p>\n
“When was the last time you had lunch with Carol?”<\/p>\n
I said nothing.<\/p>\n
“When did you last go to book club?”<\/p>\n
“David.”<\/p>\n
“When did you last sleep through the night?”<\/p>\n
My eyes filled again.<\/p>\n
“That’s different.”<\/p>\n
“No.”<\/p>\n
He shifted slightly and winced.<\/p>\n
I instinctively reached to adjust his pillow.<\/p>\n
He caught my wrist.<\/p>\n
Weakly.<\/p>\n
But enough.<\/p>\n
“See?”<\/p>\n
“What?”<\/p>\n
“I’m asking you a question and you’re fixing my pillow.”<\/p>\n
“It’s crooked.”<\/p>\n
“I don’t care.”<\/p>\n
“I do.”<\/p>\n
“That’s the problem.”<\/p>\n
I stared at him.<\/p>\n
Then I finally said it.<\/p>\n
“I toured a nursing home.”<\/p>\n
His face went still.<\/p>\n
I braced myself.<\/p>\n
For anger.<\/p>\n
Fear.<\/p>\n
Betrayal.<\/p>\n
Instead, he asked, “Which one?”<\/p>\n
I blinked.<\/p>\n
“Meadow Ridge.”<\/p>\n
He thought for a second.<\/p>\n
“Twenty minutes away?”<\/p>\n
“Yes.”<\/p>\n
“Garden?”<\/p>\n
I stared.<\/p>\n
“Yes.”<\/p>\n
“Old movies on Thursday?”<\/p>\n
I felt ridiculous.<\/p>\n
“How do you know?”<\/p>\n
“Brochure.”<\/p>\n
“What brochure?”<\/p>\n
“Janet brought one.”<\/p>\n
Our daughter.<\/p>\n
Of course she had.<\/p>\n
“When?”<\/p>\n
“Three weeks ago.”<\/p>\n
I looked toward the bedroom door.<\/p>\n
“She talked to you?”<\/p>\n
“Yes.”<\/p>\n
“And neither of you told me?”<\/p>\n
David gave me a tired smile.<\/p>\n
“Now you know how it feels.”<\/p>\n
That shut me up.<\/p>\n
Then he said, “I told her you’d never agree until something scared you.”<\/p>\n
“The fall.”<\/p>\n
“Probably.”<\/p>\n
I swallowed.<\/p>\n
“I accepted the room.”<\/p>\n
David closed his eyes.<\/p>\n
For one second, I panicked.<\/p>\n
Then he whispered, “Good.”<\/p>\n
I stared at him.<\/p>\n
“Good?”<\/p>\n
“Yes.”<\/p>\n
“You want to go?”<\/p>\n
He opened his eyes again.<\/p>\n
“No.”<\/p>\n
That hurt.<\/p>\n
He saw it.<\/p>\n
“I don’t want to be sick either.”<\/p>\n
I looked down.<\/p>\n
“I don’t want to leave this house.”<\/p>\n
His voice cracked.<\/p>\n
“I don’t want someone else helping me shower. I don’t want to eat dinner at 5:30 with a room full of strangers. I don’t want you driving home without me.”<\/p>\n
I started crying again.<\/p>\n
“Then don’t go.”<\/p>\n
“Linda.”<\/p>\n
“I mean it.”<\/p>\n
“That isn’t what I said.”<\/p>\n
“How am I supposed to send you somewhere you don’t want to be?”<\/p>\n
“Because I need more care than you can give.”<\/p>\n
“I can do it.”<\/p>\n
“No.”<\/p>\n
“David\u2014”<\/p>\n
“No.”<\/p>\n
His voice was stronger that time.<\/p>\n
Still quiet.<\/p>\n
But firm.<\/p>\n
“I fell because I tried to get to the bathroom without you.”<\/p>\n
“I know.”<\/p>\n
“You can’t be everywhere.”<\/p>\n
“I can be more careful.”<\/p>\n
“You already are.”<\/p>\n
“I can stop doing laundry when you’re awake.”<\/p>\n
He stared at me.<\/p>\n
I heard myself.<\/p>\n
I heard how insane it sounded.<\/p>\n
Stop doing laundry while he was awake.<\/p>\n
Don’t shower unless he was asleep.<\/p>\n
Don’t grocery shop unless Janet was there.<\/p>\n
Don’t sleep too deeply.<\/p>\n
Don’t leave.<\/p>\n
Don’t live.<\/p>\n
David said, “Do you remember our wedding vows?”<\/p>\n
I laughed bitterly.<\/p>\n
“Of course I do.”<\/p>\n
“In sickness and in health.”<\/p>\n
“Yes.”<\/p>\n
“It says nothing about one spouse becoming a full medical staff.”<\/p>\n
I almost smiled.<\/p>\n
“You’re making jokes.”<\/p>\n
“I’m making a point.”<\/p>\n
“You always make a point.”<\/p>\n
“That’s why you married me.”<\/p>\n
“That’s not why.”<\/p>\n
“No?”<\/p>\n
“No.”<\/p>\n
“Why then?”<\/p>\n
I looked at him.<\/p>\n
“Because you were impossible.”<\/p>\n
He smiled.<\/p>\n
“There she is.”<\/p>\n
That broke me.<\/p>\n
I leaned forward and put my forehead against his shoulder.<\/p>\n
He smelled like soap and the medicated cream I rubbed into his hands twice a day.<\/p>\n
“I feel like I’m abandoning you.”<\/p>\n
He rested his cheek against my hair.<\/p>\n
“You’d be abandoning me if you stopped coming.”<\/p>\n
I pulled back.<\/p>\n
“What?”<\/p>\n
“If you put me there and disappear, that’s abandonment.”<\/p>\n
He took a breath.<\/p>\n
“If you put me there because I need help and then come see me every day and complain about the coffee, that’s marriage.”<\/p>\n
I laughed through tears.<\/p>\n
He continued.<\/p>\n
“Bring me my shirts.”<\/p>\n
“Which ones?”<\/p>\n
“Not the blue plaid.”<\/p>\n
“You like the blue plaid.”<\/p>\n
“I hate the blue plaid.”<\/p>\n
“You wore it for 20 years.”<\/p>\n
“Under protest.”<\/p>\n
I stared at him.<\/p>\n
He smiled.<\/p>\n
Then his face softened.<\/p>\n
“Bring me the gray sweater.”<\/p>\n
“Okay.”<\/p>\n
“And my watch.”<\/p>\n
I looked toward the nightstand.<\/p>\n
“The reason I opened the drawer.”<\/p>\n
“I figured.”<\/p>\n
I still had the letter in my hand.<\/p>\n
I looked down at it.<\/p>\n
“I haven’t finished.”<\/p>\n
“You can.”<\/p>\n
“Do you want me to read it here?”<\/p>\n
“No.”<\/p>\n
“Why?”<\/p>\n
“I was probably dramatic.”<\/p>\n
I laughed.<\/p>\n
“You wrote, ‘You waited too long.'”<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
“Sounds like me.”<\/p>\n
I read the rest that afternoon while he slept.<\/p>\n
The final page was the hardest.<\/p>\n
“If this day comes, you may think I am losing my home.”<\/p>\n
“Please remember that home was never the building.”<\/p>\n
“It was you.”<\/p>\n
“If I move somewhere else, bring yourself.”<\/p>\n
“Not the version of you who hasn’t eaten.”<\/p>\n
“Not the version who apologizes for being tired.”<\/p>\n
“You.”<\/p>\n
“Sit with me.”<\/p>\n
“Watch old movies.”<\/p>\n
“Tell me the nurses are flirting with me even if they’re not.”<\/p>\n
“Go home afterward and sleep.”<\/p>\n
“I promise I will still know where home is.”<\/p>\n
At the bottom, he’d written:<\/p>\n
“And if I complain, remind me I wrote this while I was still smarter than both of us.”<\/p>\n
I laughed so loudly that David woke up.<\/p>\n
“What?”<\/p>\n
I held up the letter.<\/p>\n
“You were insufferable seven years ago too.”<\/p>\n
He smiled.<\/p>\n
“Consistent.”<\/p>\n
We told Janet that evening.<\/p>\n
Or rather, I told her I had accepted the room.<\/p>\n
She cried.<\/p>\n
Then apologized for crying.<\/p>\n
Then I cried because she was crying.<\/p>\n
David finally said, “Apparently I’m the stable one.”<\/p>\n
Janet sat beside him.<\/p>\n
“Dad, are you scared?”<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
That mattered.<\/p>\n
He didn’t pretend.<\/p>\n
“Yes.”<\/p>\n
“Do you still want to go?”<\/p>\n
He thought carefully.<\/p>\n
“I want your mother to stop looking like she hasn’t slept.”<\/p>\n
I threw a pillow at him.<\/p>\n
Very gently.<\/p>\n
Janet laughed.<\/p>\n
Then he said, “And yes.”<\/p>\n
The move happened four days later.<\/p>\n
I packed his clothes.<\/p>\n
The gray sweater.<\/p>\n
Not the blue plaid.<\/p>\n
His watch.<\/p>\n
Three framed photographs.<\/p>\n
His shaving kit, even though someone else would probably help him with it.<\/p>\n
His favorite coffee mug.<\/p>\n
The old detective novels he’d already read six times.<\/p>\n
And the letter.<\/p>\n
I tried to put that back in the nightstand.<\/p>\n
David said, “No.”<\/p>\n
“Why?”<\/p>\n
“Take it.”<\/p>\n
“It’s yours.”<\/p>\n
“I wrote it to you.”<\/p>\n
So I did.<\/p>\n
The morning we left, I stood in our bedroom and cried.<\/p>\n
Again.<\/p>\n
I had done a lot of crying that week.<\/p>\n
David was already dressed.<\/p>\n
Janet had helped.<\/p>\n
That alone made me feel strangely useless.<\/p>\n
Then guilty for feeling useless.<\/p>\n
Then angry at myself for being guilty.<\/p>\n
David noticed.<\/p>\n
“Linda.”<\/p>\n
“What?”<\/p>\n
“Come here.”<\/p>\n
I walked over.<\/p>\n
He reached for my hand.<\/p>\n
“I’m not dying today.”<\/p>\n
I looked at him.<\/p>\n
“I know.”<\/p>\n
“You’re acting like we’re heading to the gallows.”<\/p>\n
“I know.”<\/p>\n
“I’m 20 minutes away.”<\/p>\n
“I know.”<\/p>\n
“You’re going to be sick of me by Friday.”<\/p>\n
“I know.”<\/p>\n
He squeezed my hand.<\/p>\n
“Good.”<\/p>\n
Meadow Ridge was exactly as I remembered.<\/p>\n
Clean.<\/p>\n
Bright.<\/p>\n
Painfully cheerful.<\/p>\n
A nurse named Teresa introduced herself.<\/p>\n
David looked at her name badge.<\/p>\n
“Are you the stranger with strong arms and a degree?”<\/p>\n
I nearly died.<\/p>\n
Teresa blinked.<\/p>\n
Then laughed.<\/p>\n
“Depends who told you.”<\/p>\n
“My wife.”<\/p>\n
I said, “He wrote it.”<\/p>\n
“Even worse,” she said.<\/p>\n
I liked her immediately.<\/p>\n
The first day was awful.<\/p>\n
Not because anything terrible happened.<\/p>\n
Because I left.<\/p>\n
At 4:30, David had dinner scheduled.<\/p>\n
At five, Teresa said they would help him get ready for bed later.<\/p>\n
I stood beside his chair holding my purse.<\/p>\n
“I can stay.”<\/p>\n
David looked at me.<\/p>\n
“No.”<\/p>\n
“I don’t mind.”<\/p>\n
“I do.”<\/p>\n
“David.”<\/p>\n
“Go home.”<\/p>\n
My throat tightened.<\/p>\n
He pointed at me.<\/p>\n
“Read the letter.”<\/p>\n
“I already did.”<\/p>\n
“Read it again.”<\/p>\n
I leaned down and kissed him.<\/p>\n
He whispered, “Sleep.”<\/p>\n
I nodded.<\/p>\n
Then I walked out.<\/p>\n
I made it to the parking lot before crying.<\/p>\n
Then I went home.<\/p>\n
The house was silent.<\/p>\n
Terribly silent.<\/p>\n
For almost two years, every sound had been organized around David.<\/p>\n
The walker.<\/p>\n
The medication timer.<\/p>\n
His cough.<\/p>\n
His voice calling my name.<\/p>\n
Now there was nothing.<\/p>\n
I walked into the kitchen.<\/p>\n
Opened the refrigerator.<\/p>\n
And realized I could make anything I wanted for dinner.<\/p>\n
That thought made me cry too.<\/p>\n
So I ate cereal.<\/p>\n
At nine, I went to bed.<\/p>\n
Then I woke up.<\/p>\n
It was 7:15 in the morning.<\/p>\n
I had slept ten hours.<\/p>\n
Ten.<\/p>\n
For the first time in almost two years.<\/p>\n
I sat on the edge of the bed and felt guilty.<\/p>\n
Then I looked at David’s letter on the nightstand.<\/p>\n
“You waited too long.”<\/p>\n
I showered.<\/p>\n
Ate breakfast.<\/p>\n
Actually ate it.<\/p>\n
Then drove to Meadow Ridge.<\/p>\n
David was in the garden.<\/p>\n
Teresa had wheeled him outside because the weather was good.<\/p>\n
He looked up when he saw me.<\/p>\n
“You slept.”<\/p>\n
It wasn’t a question.<\/p>\n
“Ten hours.”<\/p>\n
He smiled.<\/p>\n
“Show-off.”<\/p>\n
I sat beside him.<\/p>\n
“How was your night?”<\/p>\n
“Terrible.”<\/p>\n
I panicked.<\/p>\n
“What happened?”<\/p>\n
“The man across the hall snores like a chainsaw.”<\/p>\n
I stared at him.<\/p>\n
“That’s it?”<\/p>\n
“And oatmeal should not be that gray.”<\/p>\n
I started laughing.<\/p>\n
He did too.<\/p>\n
That was the first day.<\/p>\n
There were harder ones.<\/p>\n
Days when David begged to come home.<\/p>\n
Days when I almost said yes.<\/p>\n
Days when his illness got worse, and the nurses had to help with things I used to do.<\/p>\n
I hated that.<\/p>\n
Then I learned something unexpected.<\/p>\n
I also loved not being the nurse.<\/p>\n
At home, every conversation eventually became about medication, pain, food, bowel movements, sleep, appointments.<\/p>\n
At Meadow Ridge, other people handled much of that.<\/p>\n
So sometimes I got to be his wife again.<\/p>\n
I brought him terrible coffee from the place he liked.<\/p>\n
We watched old movies.<\/p>\n
He complained that every actor after 1980 mumbled.<\/p>\n
I read to him when his hands shook too badly to hold a book.<\/p>\n
Once, I spent an entire visit telling him about Carol’s daughter’s divorce.<\/p>\n
Halfway through, he said, “I don’t even like Carol.”<\/p>\n
“I know.”<\/p>\n
“Why do I know this much?”<\/p>\n
“Because you’re trapped.”<\/p>\n
He laughed until he started coughing.<\/p>\n
Three weeks after David moved in, I went to book club.<\/p>\n
I sat in my car outside Carol’s house for ten minutes.<\/p>\n
I almost turned around.<\/p>\n
Then I remembered the letter.<\/p>\n
“Bring yourself.”<\/p>\n
So I went inside.<\/p>\n
Carol opened the door.<\/p>\n
She stared at me.<\/p>\n
Then hugged me so hard I nearly lost my glasses.<\/p>\n
Nobody asked me why I had disappeared.<\/p>\n
Nobody made me explain.<\/p>\n
They handed me wine and argued about a novel I hadn’t finished.<\/p>\n
I went home feeling like someone had returned a piece of me.<\/p>\n
The next morning, I told David.<\/p>\n
He looked smug.<\/p>\n
“Don’t.”<\/p>\n
“I didn’t say anything.”<\/p>\n
“Your face did.”<\/p>\n
“My face is handsome.”<\/p>\n
“Your face is annoying.”<\/p>\n
“Still married me.”<\/p>\n
“I have regrets.”<\/p>\n
“Clearly.”<\/p>\n
Four months have passed now.<\/p>\n
David is still at Meadow Ridge.<\/p>\n
His health hasn’t improved much.<\/p>\n
Some days are good.<\/p>\n
Some aren’t.<\/p>\n
But I am sleeping.<\/p>\n
Eating.<\/p>\n
Seeing Janet more because our time together isn’t spent transferring her father from bed to chair.<\/p>\n
I see my grandchildren again.<\/p>\n
Last Saturday, I took them for ice cream.<\/p>\n
For two hours, I didn’t think about medication once.<\/p>\n
Then I felt guilty.<\/p>\n
The guilt still comes.<\/p>\n
Maybe it always will.<\/p>\n
But now I recognize it.<\/p>\n
It isn’t proof I’ve done something wrong.<\/p>\n
Sometimes it’s just grief wearing a judge’s robe.<\/p>\n
David asked me last week if I still had the letter.<\/p>\n
“Yes.”<\/p>\n
“Where?”<\/p>\n
“Nightstand.”<\/p>\n
“Your side?”<\/p>\n
“Yes.”<\/p>\n
“Good.”<\/p>\n
“Why?”<\/p>\n
He smiled.<\/p>\n
“In case you start getting stupid again.”<\/p>\n
I laughed.<\/p>\n
Then he took my hand.<\/p>\n
“You know what I was most afraid of?”<\/p>\n
“What?”<\/p>\n
“That you’d keep me home until you hated me.”<\/p>\n
I stared at him.<\/p>\n
“I could never hate you.”<\/p>\n
“No?”<\/p>\n
“No.”<\/p>\n
“You hated me a little.”<\/p>\n
I opened my mouth.<\/p>\n
Then closed it.<\/p>\n
He smiled.<\/p>\n
“See?”<\/p>\n
My eyes filled.<\/p>\n
“I hated needing to be needed every second.”<\/p>\n
“I know.”<\/p>\n
“I hated being scared all the time.”<\/p>\n
“I know.”<\/p>\n
“I hated when you called me right after I sat down.”<\/p>\n
“I definitely knew that one.”<\/p>\n
I laughed and cried at the same time.<\/p>\n
“But I never hated you.”<\/p>\n
He squeezed my hand.<\/p>\n
“I know.”<\/p>\n
That was the difference.<\/p>\n
I wish someone had told me earlier that caregivers can resent the work without resenting the person.<\/p>\n
That exhaustion can sit right beside love.<\/p>\n
That wanting help does not mean wanting someone gone.<\/p>\n
I had turned care into a test.<\/p>\n
If I loved David enough, I would keep him home.<\/p>\n
If I were a good wife, I would never get frustrated.<\/p>\n
If I had meant my vows, I would be able to do this indefinitely.<\/p>\n
None of that was true.<\/p>\n
Love did not make me a nurse.<\/p>\n
Marriage did not make me physically stronger.<\/p>\n
And promises made when we were healthy did not require me to destroy myself once illness changed the rules.<\/p>\n
David understood that before I did.<\/p>\n
Seven years before I needed permission, he wrote it down and hid it in a nightstand.<\/p>\n
I sometimes wonder whether he knew exactly what kind of woman I would become when the time came.<\/p>\n
Of course he did.<\/p>\n
He’d been married to me for 41 years.<\/p>\n
Last Sunday, we watched an old movie in the Meadow Ridge television room.<\/p>\n
Halfway through, David fell asleep.<\/p>\n
His head tilted toward me.<\/p>\n
For a second, I looked around.<\/p>\n
Other residents.<\/p>\n
Nurses.<\/p>\n
Wheelchairs.<\/p>\n
A television mounted too high on the wall.<\/p>\n
This was not the life we’d planned.<\/p>\n
Then David woke and whispered, “You still here?”<\/p>\n
I took his hand.<\/p>\n
“Yeah.”<\/p>\n
He closed his eyes again.<\/p>\n
“Good.”<\/p>\n
And for the first time since moving him there, that word didn’t hurt.<\/p>\n
I was still taking care of my husband.<\/p>\n
I had just finally stopped believing I had to do all of it alone.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I thought putting my husband in a nursing home meant I had failed him. Then I found something in his nightstand that changed what I<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6506,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6505","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-trending-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/celebspaces.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6505","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/celebspaces.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/celebspaces.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/celebspaces.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/celebspaces.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6505"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/celebspaces.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6505\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6507,"href":"https:\/\/celebspaces.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6505\/revisions\/6507"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/celebspaces.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/6506"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/celebspaces.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6505"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/celebspaces.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6505"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/celebspaces.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6505"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}